frustration

I saw him online his fb just now god i miss him owh. I miss everything about him. I really want to call him but im afraid he wont pick up my call and im afraid he would said the words that i scared most. The 'B' words. I still dont have the guts to accepts it if he want a breakup wif me cuz i still love him so fucking damn much. God ! am i being stupid here? someone slap me so i can wake up and be strong again.

Please dont say im EGO. Coz Im NOT. I throw away my EGo the other day just to say sorry when i know its not my fault. For god sake it just a small matter but he making it like it was a big matter. He told me not to contact him anymore. Dont he knw that im suffering when he said like that to me? Read his text the that night , my heart beat so fast. Only God know what i feel that night. Just when im trying to give my comitment to him things like this came up. HUH ! =='. when im about to get a serious relationships with him , we fight. honestly he's a sweet guy but at the same time he still not mature enough. Haha, its funny when you really like someone and you dont even care bout their bad attitude right? Hee. I guess thats why they said LOVe make us crazy and unconcious. GOd ! no matter how much write to my blog, i still cant focus coz the only thing thats on my mind right now , HIM. Only him. Stupid eh? I know i am. Haha. 

Owh GOD ! I need a place to scream so i can feel a lot better , so this pain in my heart will go away and leave me alone. Why pain, Why?? Why wont you leave me alone? Why you have to stay inside my heart? Right now i really need a peaceful place to lay down. T.T

I need a place just above to scream out loud.