its killing me T_T

hye there my blog :). emm how to start my talking , i fight my bestie a.k.a my gurlfriend the other days, and until now kami masih tia bertegur. i dont know where i went wrong, saya pun blank. huhu. saya tia taw apa salah saya sampai dy tia maw bls text saya. even pick up my call pun she dont want. saya sakit hati sangat saya kna buat gne. sudahlah bf saya sndri buat perangai sekarang. and she's the only one that i need ryte now but she wont even talk to me. GOD ! it hurt so badly owh. macam hati saya kena carik2 ne. no one by my side ryte now. my sist dont even understand what i felt ryte now. i feel like i wanna cry out loud. someone help me here. sapa2 jak lah tolong saya. saya tia taw sapa yang salah between kmi dua. saya blank. sgt blank ryte now. my syg pun xda cne tuk saya maw share. cuz ryte now she's having her holiday at indonesia. saya tia maw kc kusut pikiran dy. saya maw gilak owh skrg. i know my hun is having a hard time there but cant she understand me also? saya pun having a hard time here. len lagi c DIA buat perangai, fame lg. lau dia tia marah kn time 2 dy tia bls mcm 2 bha ma saya. i was just asking. thats all. im not trying to pick a fight with her. but she misunderstood bout me. i even try to call her to make things better but she wont even pick up my call. 

imissyouhunalot.imisstalkingtoyou:'(

use me?? you guys are pathetic !

hye there my blog. :) . sorry didint write on you yesterday , i've been bz at town for one whole day  accompanny my mum shoppng :). yeah ! me and him okey oredy saturday night but we fight again last nyte. silly eh? tell me about it. even i felt that its was a stupid love story. haha. emm i dont knw why but i feel like i dont care about it anymore. kalau dia sakit hati pun saya macam tidak peduli lagi. that saturday nyte he text me and ask how am i doing and ask me if i got someone else for his replace? for god sake dude im not that kind of girl okeh ! i've told you billion times im not like THOSE GIRL you've dated before or for a proper name YOU'RE EX. opz did i said that out loud? hmmp i guess i am. so what ? it didint even fuck me at all. and guess what blog he told me so many tyme wif text that he loved me so fucking much and he regret making me upset with his attitude. yeah ! i forgive him but i think my feeling its not the same anymore. i just think that he's a little to late to pick me up to walk with him again coz i've oredy wake up and walk by myself. time2 saya sakit dia langsung xda di sisi saya to faced the world. i have to handle it all by myself. we fight again yesterday just for a small matter. smua pun berpunca dari dia sndiri. he's to sensitive. im sorry tapi kalau saya betul2 tia tahan suda saya pandai maw minta break tau. saya bosan terus kena buat macam ne. kena buat macam budu, bila dia bosan baru dia sibuk maw cari saya, bila dia ada masalah baru dia sibuk maw cari saya, bila dia rndu saya baru dia contact saya. dia pikir saya apa?? saya pun manusia bha yang punya perasaan tuk dijaga. betul kn blog? T_T. kemarin dia cakap ma saya 'dont contact me !' . cant you believe that blog? huh ! tapi saya malas suda maw pikir bha. saya jak yg balik2 sakit hati. he is just like my ex Joe owh. perangai dorg sama betul ne. ARGH ! saya tia ska saya kena buat mcm ne. saya sakit hati ! owh and talking bout joe. GOD ! its killing me so fucking damn much. dia yang kc break saya dlu skrang he asking for me back. hello ! wake dude ko tu suda ada GF yang cantik. hargai lah dia. tapi e2 ko punya budu juga. dlu saya berabis sayang ko like hell ko buat saya macam budu. Now gf ko sibuk xda masa tuk ko bru ko sbuk maw saya balik. dulu macam mna saya sibuk pun saya slalu spend some times for you but you never appreciate what i do for you. ko x paham kh saya tia maw ko suda. you and i just a old story okeh? forget me move on with ur life. i got a new man oredy in my life. tapi dia pun dua macam juga. Aish ! kenapa saya rasa mcam kmu dua ne cuma maw menggunakan saya jak tuk kc hlang bosan kmu. kmu taw kh saya cne rsa skit? 

why cant you two just appreciate me , love me like you love your mum. im not asking for much im just asking you guys to love. is that so hard? 

sometimes i feel like i just wanna break down and cry out loud. so all the pain that i feel in my heart will gone forever. T_T ~

KK ???==' hmmp

Owh GOd ! kk?? Mum please dont bring me back to that place of hell. Its Suck there. Nothing to do. Plus i really hate your relative there. Dorg sgt2 bkin pns. Ego, TAMBIRANG, BKIN PNS , TINGGI DIRI. FUCK THEM !. I really dont like it there. I like keningau better than kk. If u give me a choice i would rather choose to stay di asrama then stay At KK. I cant even described what feeling feel ryte now. I all know for sure. I DONT WANT TO GO TO KK. 

Our 5th m0nth aNniverSarry :'D

Hello again my blog :). Hmmp today is our fifth month anniversary. Lama jg kn kmi been together :). Last nyte i wish him hepy monthniversary, and yes he replied my text by saying hepy monthniversary too but we're still cold.

HAPPY FIFTH MONTHNIVERSARY FOT BOTH OF US B :')

:'D love u always my bo0 ..

I know he still mad at me. Last Nyte i Dont feel like pujuk him coz i feel so tired last nyte. I just fall sleep without replying his text. Im so tired oredy playing his games. I love him so fucking damn much only god know what i feel about him. He's to busy with his life and he missed the part where he left me hatin on a club. When im hurt he never been by my side. He never listen to my story. If im sick dy x pernah peduli pun. Funny eh. Ahaha. Tpu lah sa lau sa ckp sa tia pduli dy kn? Everyday sa on9 fb but i keep my chat off9 just to see his fb. Whenever i miss him i Looked his fb. Stupid eh? Tell me about it. Huhu. Sa penat bha dy lyn sa mcm ne slalu. My Girlfriend smua ckp mcm you ble sbr dgn perangai dy arh? Sa sndri pun tia taw dr mna sa dpt kekuatan dan kesabaran tuk lyn and tahan ngan perangai dy :). But thats what love is kn we have to be patient and considerate one another. Tp lau sa jak yg mcm 2 xda gna jg kn? Even sa pun pndai penat n Bosan bha kena Buat mcm 2. Guess what my blog dy tgah on9 skrg and dy tgah bkomen ma pompuan. Cant You believe it? SHIT ! Lau btl dy syg sa dy text sa bha kn tnya khbr sa. Ne tdk. Fuck ! IM so pissed off ryte now. If he dont have any feeling for me anymore let me go lh. Jan seksa sa mcm ne. SAKIT ! TAu kh dy apa e2 SAKIT ! SIOT !. ARRRGGGHHHHG!! MCM SA MAW P CARI GDH D FB OWH. Nsb sa mc waras lg owh. SITZZ !! tekanan owh !

Haha betapa sabarnya sa melayan karenah dy. Eiseh !

frustration

I saw him online his fb just now god i miss him owh. I miss everything about him. I really want to call him but im afraid he wont pick up my call and im afraid he would said the words that i scared most. The 'B' words. I still dont have the guts to accepts it if he want a breakup wif me cuz i still love him so fucking damn much. God ! am i being stupid here? someone slap me so i can wake up and be strong again.

Please dont say im EGO. Coz Im NOT. I throw away my EGo the other day just to say sorry when i know its not my fault. For god sake it just a small matter but he making it like it was a big matter. He told me not to contact him anymore. Dont he knw that im suffering when he said like that to me? Read his text the that night , my heart beat so fast. Only God know what i feel that night. Just when im trying to give my comitment to him things like this came up. HUH ! =='. when im about to get a serious relationships with him , we fight. honestly he's a sweet guy but at the same time he still not mature enough. Haha, its funny when you really like someone and you dont even care bout their bad attitude right? Hee. I guess thats why they said LOVe make us crazy and unconcious. GOd ! no matter how much write to my blog, i still cant focus coz the only thing thats on my mind right now , HIM. Only him. Stupid eh? I know i am. Haha. 

Owh GOD ! I need a place to scream so i can feel a lot better , so this pain in my heart will go away and leave me alone. Why pain, Why?? Why wont you leave me alone? Why you have to stay inside my heart? Right now i really need a peaceful place to lay down. T.T

I need a place just above to scream out loud.

i'M s0 FuckIng HuRt + i MisS HiM S0 DaMn MuCh T_T

imisshimsofuckingdamnmuchtodaypleasetellmeyoulovemetob:'/

Whenever i'm Hurt, i don't talk. I just wear a fake smile, tell everyhting okay. Even though i want to cry. Let alone, i do not want you wounded my heart again. Enough once you already make me hurt! I'm not strong anymore. Mybe i might be stupid, because i expect you in my life weeh. I can't lie myself again, its difficult to me accept! Enough you make me suffer like this -.- Thanks so much.

"It is better to have loved and lost love, than to have never loved at all"

They say that we hurt the ones that love us, and love the ones that hurt us. But I believe that the hurt comes with the love. How can you love someone without getting hurt? It shows that you have true feelings for them. Something that I only feel with him now. And as time proceeded, I realized that he was eventually going to leave me in the end - sex, or no sex. And the pain grew in my chest every morning when he wasn’t there to wipe the tears from my face. I grew to like the pain, I liked it so much I created my own pain for my body. It slowly became the only feeling I knew. I forgot all about love and happiness. And I rather feel pain, then no feelings at all. I began to enjoy the pain that he brought into my life, and every time he would leave, it gave me another reason to swallow pills, or leave marks on my wrists. it gave me another reason to feel again. 

when will i be happy again? :'(

Deeply In hurt ryte now :'(

tell me its not the end of our relationship :(

i wonder have you planned this from the beginning??

 

         

                                    imfuckingmisshimrytenow                            

 

how i wish you text me ryte now and tell me how much you miss me just like how much i miss you now :'(

whats on my mind??emmm =='

kopisanangan tangah tuong my blog :D..emm things still the same xda perubahan...ari ne sa xda dgr satu berita pun dr dy bha..i wonder whats gonna happen to our relationship, will it meets the end oredy kaine??me oso dont knw..blank my brain ryte now...i dont care anymore,im tired oredy coz there's only been me the one yg hurt the most..while him enjoying himself flirting other girls at facebook...HOW STUPID I AM KN? yah sa sdar jg sa bodoh sab tlampau being patient wif him..sakit hati??huh ! sapa yg tia sakit hati kna buat mcm ne kn ? girlfriend mna yg tia sakit ati lau boyfriend dy buat gne ma dy..ryte now sa sgt2 tersgt2 sakit hati mcm sa maw kc sakit bdn sa spaya sa feel a lot better...but thats was a stupid and foolish things to do...sa mc normal lg bha..:')

...mlm ne tdo sorg coz mum here oredy...so my sist sleep wif her...talking bout my mum, hmmpp everyday i see her and she's getting older each year and im afraid i will loose her like i loose my dad before...i dont have the guts to loose someone that i love the most..i lose one 7 years ago and im afraid i will my mum again...i knw that day will come but at least not now coz im not ready yet..T_T..i become more afraid when my brother in law mum passed away last week and hearing wht my mum told us making me cry...mum i love you so much more than anything in this world im soory if i scold u or being rude to you...im truly sory mum...

Really Hurt Ryte Now T.T

I DONT KNW WHT TO DO ANYMORE..ITS BEEN A LONG TIME I DIDINT UPDATED MY BLOG,huH! TO MUCH THINGS HAPPEN THIS PAST FEW MONTH..FAITH WAS NOT BY MY SIDE..DEM ! AND GUESS WHT MY BLOG WE FIGHT AGAIN AND THIS TIME ITS BIG..IM TIRED EVERYTIME WE FIGHT , HE PUT ALL THE BLAME ON ME BUT I DIDINT DO ANYTHING..HONESTLY ITS NOT MY FAULT BUT I HAVE TO SAY SORRY TO HIM..EVEN IF DIA SALAH TAPI DIA TIA PNH MAW MGAKU SALAH..IM THE ONE YG MENGALAH..IM GETTING TIRED OREDY...ITS NOT FAIR RYTE?? TELL ME ABOUT IT...IM SUFFERING HERE AND HE DONT EVEN CARE HOW I FELT RYTE NOW..I REALLY WANT TO TALK WIF SOMEONE RYTE NOW BUT WHO?? TALK TO MY SIST BUT SHE DOESNT UNDERSTAND WHAT MY HEART FELT NOW..ALL SHE KNW WAS HER 'HUBBY', MY 'HUBBY THERE'..GOD ! STOP IT OREDY..DONT U KNW IM DYING RYTE NOW?I KNW U GOT A BF THAT UNDERSTAND U SO WELL, NOT LIKE MINE STILL CHILDISH!..GUESS WHT BLOG HE CALL OTHER GURLS 'DALING' PUNYA LH SAKIT HATI HAMBA..DY BKOL LG MA 2 BIATCH OWH TP MY CALL DY TIA DPT SMBUT NE...CAN U BELIEVE IT BLOG??SAKITNYA HATI SA TUHAN JAK YG TAW APA SA RSA SKRG OWH..I REALLY FELT LIKE I JUST WANT TO BREAK DOWN AND CRY OUT LOUD RYTE NOW..AND I GOT THE FEELING THAT HE CHEATED ON ME BHA...AHAHA...FUNNY KN..:'D...NO MATTER HOW HARD I'VE TRIED TO BE A STRONG PERSON BUT I STILL CANT STOP MY TEARS FROM FALLING ...HE REALLY WANNA MAKE ME JELES NE BY CALLING OTHER GURLS AT HIS FB DALING OR SWEETIE..FUCK ! SA RSA MCM MAW MEMAKI JAK OWH...PLUS I REALLY WANT TO SHOUT ... HONESTLY I LOVE HIM AND I NEVER CHEAT ON HIM ...HUH ! I GUESS THATS ALL JUST A STUPID THINGS TO DO KN...SA BGUS2 PUN SMA JG DY TIA BGUS MA SA...HAHAH...I FEEL LIKE AN IDIOT OWH..HAHAH..:'D..WELL BLOG I GUESS THATS ALL...GTG NOW BUBYEE :)